Brady’s Ladies benefited from the lowest final score in league history as its quest to go undefeated continues. When asked to comment team owner Adam Lantz said, “It feels good. Real Good. Too Good. So Good. Good Gracious.” The St. Louis Green Men had six players shoot below 6 points; including two to go scoreless. Brett Laubacher, on his team’s historic lack of performance, said, “I thought we were playing golf this week. I mean isn’t 61 a really good score?”
In the epic battle of the Andrews, Andrew Miran came up victorious. Miran commented, “I’m a Miran; that’s what we do.” The game came down to Monday Night Football where the team’s star athlete DeAngelo Williams failed to do, well frankly, anything. In tears Doerschuk at first refused to comment. However, after a reporter asked him about his matchup next week against the other (more handsome) Miran, Doerschuk sent his next opponent a clear message. As a solid stream of urine flowed down his leg, Doerschuk squeaked, “I just sharted.”
To round out the week, Flacco Seagulls left the Stallworth’s Chauffers in the basement. The White Ever Pooping Birds came out victorious against the Intentional Tortfeasers to notch their first victory of the Season. Upset for leaving him all alone, Bill Levendusky said that he was lonely. However, he went on to comment, “At least Eric Wedge was fired.”
In other news, the battle of last week’s losers was no match at all. As Big Ben’s Prostitutes lived up to its name and was raped by yet another team. Nicholas Lyon, owner of the diseased, infected brothel said, “To be honest, I’d be upset if the other team only beat us by a little bit. I love it when they abuse me . . . emotionally and physically.” Informed that he was this weeks recipient of the Neverland Ranch Banner of the Week Lyon smiled and said, “We were so close last week. I was trying to be a gracious loser but deep down inside I felt like a little boy when Michael came too early.”
Speaking of being raped, Munroe’s Leathernecks defeated Sotomayor’s Chimichangas in a battle for deportation rights. The Leathernecks benefited from Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne who hooked up more often than Nick Lyon and a middle school cheerleading squad. Owner of the Chimichangas, David Miran, commented, “Me gusta tacos con guacamole. ¿Por qué digo este? Me avergüenzo y me siento sucio.” Will Munroe replied, “I like it when he talks like that.”
This Weeks Matchups:
CashforClunkers (1-2) @ Sotomayor’s Chimichangas (2-1)
Flacco Seagulls (1-2) @ Chicago Ant Farmers (2-1)
Munroe’s Leathernecks @ Intentional Tortfeasers (1-2)
Big Ben’s Prostitutes (1-2) @ St. Louis Green Men (1-2)
Cincinnati Pecan Sandies (2-1) @ Team Kings’BigBallaz (2-1)
Stallworth’s Chauffers (0-3) @ brady’s ladies (3-0)
